By Alan Roden
The “special welcome” for the Justice Secretary lasted mere seconds.
Formalities out of the way, the first no-nonsense broadside set the tone for 27 minutes of unfiltered truth to power.
“Policing should be a greater priority for your government”.
There was no malice, but this wasn’t just aimed at the government; it was a message for your government, Angela Constance.
For throughout this evisceration of government policy, the SNP minister had the misfortune to be seated just a few feet from the Scottish Police Federation’s David ‘Threaders’ Threadgold.
This isn’t how such things usually happen in Scotland.
It may not have matched the heckling that Michael Gove once endured from head teachers, or the humiliating slow clapping of Tony Blair by the Women’s Institute, but last month’s keynote address to the SPF conference deserves to be remembered as one of the most effective takedowns of a Scottish minister in the devolution era.
On paper, it must have looked like a straightforward gig for the Cabinet Secretary.
She had just secured a significant cash boost for Scotland’s police force, measures to tackle the mental health crisis are starting to filter through, and bodycams are finally being fitted to uniforms.
Anything tricky, such as the protracted battle over police pay, can just be blamed on Westminster.
And let’s not forget that a predecessor in the role – Kenny MacAskill – used to turn up to this conference as something of a hero (or that’s how he would like it to be remembered, anyway).
But, on this occasion, Threadgold had eaten his three shredded wheats.
“Cabinet Secretary, we will never settle for second best for police officers in Scotland, and neither should you…”
“The difference between the ‘haves and the have nots’ across the policing estate is frankly unacceptable and for that, your government should be ashamed…”
“Please do not try and fool the public…”
“Policing simply has to become a greater priority for your government…”
“Cabinet Secretary, you are a master of understatement…”
“You need to play your part and work with government colleagues to deliver reform across the wider public sector that will allow us to do our job…”
Unflinching, blunt, and meticulous, the speech even coined a new metaphor – that of a “policing desert”.
“Chronic underinvestment in policing, and in particular the police estate, has resulted in a situation where large areas of our country have become policing deserts with an almost invisible policing presence, providing an utterly reactive service.”
When the time came for the Cabinet Secretary’s response, everyone in the room knew what was coming.
Threadgold had already dissected her arguments before she even had chance to deliver them.
The best pay anywhere in the UK? Not when you consider the higher rates of income tax in Scotland.
More police officers per capita than in England and Wales? The geography of the nations can’t be compared.
Recorded crime down? Maybe that’s because Scots “simply cannot be bothered to wait on the phone for their call to be answered”.
And perhaps the hardest line for an SNP politician to hear was this: “I can think of no other area of business, across any portfolio, where the SNP government is so keen to highlight positive comparison with England and Wales.
“To be clear, and I do mean absolutely clear, our view is that this is not a race to the bottom. Policing in Scotland is unique and we deserve to have a government that acknowledges and reflects that in its budget allocation if we are ever to fulfil the potential that I know exists in our organisation.”
“Unflinching, blunt, and meticulous”
David Threadgold, SPF chair
The Justice Secretary’s 20-minute response was heard largely in silence, save for a smattering of laughter when she said policing “continues to attract a strong field of applicants”, and the obligatory polite applause at the end.
Constance does deserve credit for taking some of the criticism head on, with her strongest line addressing the issue of vetting.
“I know you may say ‘Cabinet Secretary, you are not reading the room on this’. But with the greatest respect, there are other voices and other rooms that also matter too.”
Yet, for the most part, her speech was a list of government press releases coupled with the traditional pop at Westminster, and it was so scripted that she started by thanking Threadgold for a “very warm welcome”.
Irony detection rates can now be added to the list of government failings.